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Old Jun 15, 2010, 10:36 am   #1
Bachflock
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Well... this is a tough one for me...

I don't know how else to start except to lay it out there, my wife and I have separated. It hurts, a lot, don't want what appears to be the inevitable to happen, and am currently clinging far too tightly to a very faint glimmer of hope that our marriage can be saved.

Clearly I don't want to go into all the details but I'll share this. My wife grew up in a very abusive home and learned very early on it was easier to withdraw than face conflict and instead of addressing issues that bothered her, with me, she internalized it. She recognizes that and has taken a HUGE step in telling me she wants to speak with a counselor, not a marriage counselor, but one she can start healing. I am supporting her. I've told her I want to help her become a new and better person, even if in the end it still results in the end of our marriage. When I've discussed a counselor with her before she flat out rejected the idea, brought too much pain for her. However, there is something different about this. This time it will end the difficulties we've been through either by allowing us to become new people either in the context of husband and wife or separate individuals. I know what my heart aches for...

I'm hurting, alot. I can tell the temptation to curl up in a ball on the bed is already there for me but also know that solves nothing. My oldest daughter (20) is working at her college in Pensacola she's been made aware of some of the issues. My other two, 11 year old daughter and 9 year old son, have begun to realize something is up because my wife (Jeannie) is sleeping in the basement (finished basement, extra bed, etc). That was her choice. She already searched apartments but she's a nursing student with 2.5 more years of school and can only work around 20 hours a week. Etc...

At this point I'm just starting to pour myself out and I don't want to do that in this format. Please pray for all of us. We have some very difficult times in our future.
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Old Jun 15, 2010, 10:52 am   #2
GammaDee
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

I will be sure to keep you all in my prayers. It is so hard to seen a family split up. God be with you all.

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Old Jun 15, 2010, 3:17 pm   #3
Judy
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Smile Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

Support from me also. I do see some hope with the move to see a counselor. Wishing the best outcome for all of you. You and family are in my thoughts and prayers. Every couple has some rough spots to navigate and I hope yours ends in the very best way possible. Be patient and there for her.
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Old Jun 15, 2010, 5:55 pm   #4
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

hang in there vance.i will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.however it turns out ,you can hold your head high in knowing you gave it your best.talking sometimes helps ease some of the pain.you are not alone in this.
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Old Jun 16, 2010, 4:04 am   #5
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

I will remember you and your family in my prayers Vance.
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Old Jun 16, 2010, 11:58 pm   #6
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

In our prayers also, Vance. Hang in there!
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Old Jun 18, 2010, 10:55 pm   #7
Bachflock
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

Thank you everyone. Its comforting. I can tell you that I personally have gone from panic (literally panic attack) to doing well enough to see hope in the future regardless of the final outcome. My kids are fairing well enough. The oldest, 20, wants to come home from college (Pensacola) for a few days but also had talked about leaving college altogether. I've told her if she wants to worry less that wouldn't be the best choice but also I know she's an adult and makes her own choices. The youngest two are doing ok - harder for them to deal with their emotions. I'll call it confused and hurt. My wife is doing well but obviously she's only sharing part of her heart with me. I know its not easy for her either.

Thanks again...
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Old Jun 19, 2010, 7:47 am   #8
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

Vance there is nothing easy about what you are all going through. Many of us have (unfortunately) gone through it. Maybe it is time for you to go to a counselor also. It helps to have someone you can pour everything to. It can be a very liberating experience for all involved. I wish you all the best and will remember you and your family in my prayers.
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Old Jun 19, 2010, 11:53 am   #9
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

will keep the prayers going for all your family.
Keep the faith.

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Old Jun 22, 2010, 10:54 am   #10
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Re: Well... this is a tough one for me...

Will say prayers for your family, Vance. As Debbie said, some of us know what you're going through first hand, and pouring your heart out to a unbiased third party really helps. The first step to resolving a problem is to acknowledge that help is needed, and it sounds as if your wife has made that first step.

Hang in there...your wife and children will need your support, and you have a circle of friends here to support you, as well.
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